Stress Management 101

 

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Kaarin Anderson Ryan, PhD, BCBA, LBA.    6.24.20

It just keeps building up, the stress of 2020.  It’s hard to look at social media or the news without sensing an instant rise in your stress level, with fresh new things to worry about every day.  You can, in some cases, take action to deal with things going on in the world, whether it is contributing to a cause, getting involved in politics, or staying up-to-date with needed precautions against Covid-19,  But even when you are able to take action, there is still a feeling of powerlessness, of hopelessness, when everything seems to be bad news.

For those who have been home with children for the past few months, trying to balance their own work with becoming surrogate teachers, this stress can be even worse because there is already a level of exhaustion that has set in every day.  People who work in health care and other impacted industries may also be experiencing stress levels that are higher and different from others.  During these seemingly unprecedented difficult times, it is important to remember 2 things: Perspective and Self-Care.

Perspective.  Yes, it feels like the world is on fire.  It feels like things will never be the same regarding illness, germs and feeling safe in public settings.  It feels like there are more difficult questions than there are good and useful answers.  But despite the fact that many of us have not experienced this level of turmoil in the world all at once, this is certainly not the first time that there has been extreme social unrest or pandemic disease.  Remember that we often learn best from history.  We have the advantage of being able to look back at past events and view them through the lens of what went well and what didn’t go so well.  For example, a lot of health experts have been reflecting on the 1918 flu pandemic, with a sharp eye on which communities fared the best and which ones had worse outcomes.  By looking at choices those communities made, we can have more informed decisions about how to manage transmission rates now, 100 years later.  Health experts are also using history to drive clinical decision making.  With a brand new virus, hard facts have been sparse.  But by looking at other similar germs, outbreaks, treatments, and vaccines, health professionals and scientists are best able to make informed decisions as they work hard to get this under control.

When it comes to social unrest and politics, we also have history to lean on for guidance. As human beings living in societies around the world, many people are better off than their ancestors.  This is largely due to social and political changes over time.  Some of these needed changes happened peacefully while others came with the cost of human suffering and many lives lost.  Looking at history, let the past be our guide about how to promote necessary social changes in our world in the most peaceful manner possible. And to keep things in perspective, use history to realize that our best chance to move forward is to recognize each others’ humanity, and to do this without prejudice to promote positive change.  Do what you are able and willing to do – for some this may mean organizing events or putting up signs, for others it may mean writing to your government representatives and leaders, and for others it may just mean having conversations with your own children.

Self-Care.  How can you even begin to manage your stress these days?  We’re home with restless kids.  The rules about going out keep changing.  We still don’t know enough about this illness to feel safe but we are so sick of being restricted.  Summer plans have had to change.  The world outside our doors is falling apart.  Political discourse is at an extreme low.  Nothing feels right.  Although it is hard to imagine, this is actually a recipe for us to prioritize self-care.  Without managing your stress, you risk getting yourself into a mind space where you just can’t see past the negatives. So what are some things you can do?

  1.  Stop looking at the news and your social media so much.  Allow yourself a small amount of time each day to catch up on developments with Covid-19, with politics, with world events, with local news.  After that set amount of time, turn it off and live your own life for the rest of that day.  A good balance might be 15-20 minutes in the morning and 15-20 minutes at night.  Or, even better, just once a day.
  2. Pick one thing you enjoy and carve out time to do it each day, even if only for a short time.  Work on a puzzle, read a book, watch a show, do some yoga.  Any of these things can be done for a short or a longer period of time, so you can tailor it to your own needs and your own schedule.
  3. Move your body.  There is overwhelming evidence for the positive effect of exercise on stress.  Even moderate activity makes a difference.  Take a walk, a bike ride, or do an exercise class online. Just like the activity you enjoy above, these can all be done according to your own time frame and schedule.
  4. Breathe.  When you start to notice your stress level rising for any reason at all, stop and breathe.  Slow, deep breaths can do wonders for your immediate stress level.  And it only takes a minute.
  5. Talk.  By engaging in conversation, you can reduce your stress in a few ways.  If you are able to talk to people about your stress, you may find compassion and shared concerns, which can be helpful.  If you talk to people about other things, this can be a nice distraction from your stress.  Finally, if you talk to people for feedback, you might get some good ideas for problem-solving and coping.
  6. Rest.  Try to develop good sleep routines.  If you have been having a hard time sleeping, take a good look at your routine.  Are you doing or thinking about something stressful right before bed?  Are you using a laptop, tablet or phone right before bed, which can affect sleep? Are you going to bed around the same time every night?  All of these things can affect your sleep, and your sleep can affect your stress.
  7. Use structure at home to build a sense of stability.  Summer days can be chaotic with kids, and maybe even more so in places where activities are still limited. Try to develop some routines and structures in your home to help you and your family cope with this unique and unusual summer we’re having.
  8. Remember what they tell you on the airplane. Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.  When you neglect your own basic needs and self-care, you are less able to make a difference to others.

 

Things are opening up. What is ok for you and your family?

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Kaarin Anderson Ryan, PhD, BCBA, LBA.        6.2.20

The information keeps flooding us, day after day more news and conflicting information about coronavirus.  In my last post I talked about doing what you can each day.  This time I will be turning the focus a bit back to children, and coping with the next phase of the pandemic when you have kids at home.

It seems to me that the new challenge for many of us will be deciding what to do.  As restrictions start to loosen up in many states, the decisions about how to proceed with venturing back into the social world will be up to each of us, individually.  Some may look to their  family for guidance, or follow the lead of trusted friends.  Others will do what they want or what they think is best based on what os happening in their area, or within their own family.

For people who have been home with their children for over two months, it will be tempting to jump back into life as usual as much and as soon as possible.  There may also be some pressure for allowing playdates and other friend interactions,  This pressure may come from your own children or it may come from their friends, or both.  How will you navigate this next phase of the global pandemic?

As with many difficult decisions and tasks, it might be helpful to break these questions down a bit before you decide anything.  Each thing you and your family do going forward will be based on your own personal calculation of the risks involved.  What are some things to consider?

Most importantly, consider your family health risk.  Are you or anyone in your family at greater risk for complications based on current health conditions?  Do you care for someone who is at greater risk?  If the answer to any of these is yes, it might be in your best interest to continue to stay home as much as possible and limit contact with others who are re-integrating into the world.

If you are at low or average risk for complications due to COVID, think about some basic common-sense measures you can take to protect yourself, your family, and others.

  • Social Bubbles.  This is a concept based on the idea that it is safe to spend time with other people who have been practicing the same level of safe behavior as yourself.  Do you have friends and family who have been working from home, rigorously distancing themselves from others, wearing masks out in public, and avoiding gatherings?  If you have set a certain standard for yourself these past few months, and you know others with the same standards, they are likely safe to be with now.  Here are a couple of recent articles on forming your own Social Bubble:
  • Maintaining your own social distancing rules.  Do you have friends or family who have been less careful than you?  Do you know others who have had to go into a public work environment?  As states ease restrictions and you want to see these friends, consider social-distancing gatherings.  Sit on a deck or a patio, stay 6 feet away, bring your own food and drink.
  • Be careful in public.  Yes, I know we still have mixed information on masks and how long the virus lives in the air and on surfaces.  We – the public – do not know a lot more now than we did when this all started.  But some studies are definitely showing a benefit to universal masks to reduce transmission if worn correctly.  This means you •put it on • stop touching it • don’t touch your face • still maintain a safe distance from others • continue to wash or sanitize your hands after touching things in public • leave the mask on to talk, sneeze, cough (I actually heard about a woman in New York who was seen pulling her own mask down to cough into the air then putting it back on.  True story.).  The masks do not universally protect you.  But used correctly, along with maintaining all the other recommended safety measures will certainly not hurt and will likely help.
  • Now for the tricky part.  Think about your own kids.  How will they do with maintaining boundaries?  Are they able to keep a safe distance?  Will they be able to keep their hands clean?  Some older kids can actually do well with this.  Other kids who are younger or who have behavioral or social difficulties may be more challenged with these safety measures.  If you have one or more children who will struggle with maintaining safe standards, it will be up to you to decide what other people they can spend time with now.  Will you let them play with other kids who have maintained the same level of caution as you have?  The Social Bubble idea might be particularly relevant to families with young kids or kids with special needs.
  • For children, teens, and even young adults on the autism spectrum, this might be especially challenging.  For one thing, if you have a child with autism and you have been at home with limited support, you may be tempted to take support and opportunities for your child to have time with others as quickly as possible, with less concern about the possible risks involved because basically, you have had enough.  For another thing, people with autism may be less aware of how to maintain boundaries, and in some cases may have less social awareness and control to help them navigate interactions using distancing and other healthy precautions such as not touching their faces.   The thing to remember is that you have choices.  Using the Social Bubbles may help you with this, and it also applies to caregivers and support personnel, such as ABA providers or other therapists. If you allow your child to spend time with peers, do the best you can to make sure the peers and their families are following the same guidelines that you are.  It may also help you to find caregiver support through ABA and other therapists, as well as local babysitters or respite providers who you trust to use precautions around you and your family.
  • Keep an eye on trends in your own area.  As things open back up, how do the numbers look near you?  Are things continuing to look better, or are the numbers going back up?  You can decide how to handle your own safety measures based on what is happening where you live.  Stay informed by the data to help guide your decisions, one day at a time.
  • If you really aren’t sure what is ok and what isn’t for you and your family, reach out to health experts in your area for guidance.  This may include family doctors or local health officials who have been carefully following the trends with this outbreak.  While it is good to be cautious, it is also important to balance caution with common sense measures you can take to help move back to some normal daily experiences.